She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
