the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize