I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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