I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
