I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
