my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
only if we run a train.
done.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
