wakey wakey hands off snakey
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize