no. you can't hotbox the world.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
