Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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