A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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