I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
