So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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