i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
