she looked like the bat from fern gully.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
