def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
