Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
All I want is dick and wine.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize