I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
