For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
This baby is an asshole
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
