I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I have already put on my inside pants.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
