My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize