True but thats because hes a fetus.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
