Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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