I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
