you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
