Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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