i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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