I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
