so let's talk penis.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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