Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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