he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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