end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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