i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Randomize