all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
