Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
pray to the hookup gods
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
