last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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