whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
