Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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