At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
She bit a glass in half.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
That's how pantless uber rides happen
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
