and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
