Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
