If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
