Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize