Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
