Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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