my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
