All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
