Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
We had sex on a dog bed..
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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