I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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