I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Randomize
