If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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