i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
