i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
