Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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