God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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