Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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