Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Randomize
