A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I just googled if crying burns calories
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
