what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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