just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
