i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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