it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
